2017: Year in Review

In 2015 and 2016, I wrote short and sweet recaps on the previous 365 days. What I did, where I went, who I met. But I’m finding it difficult to summarize this past year in a quick post.

It seems that each year, I surprise myself by discovering that I’m still learning and still growing. I realize how cliché that sounds so let me explain. I’m one year from 30 and I always thought that number was somehow magical, that it was synonymous with "knowledgeable" and "wise." It’s not. I’m still figuring out who I am and what I’m doing.

The year 2017 has taught me that grief is real. It’s painful and it’s long. Pushing past the grief isn’t easy either, but it’s the only path to relief. It has taught me that relationships don’t have to last forever to be meaningful. They can repair you or they can break you so you learn how to repair yourself. This last year has taught me that being nice includes being nice to yourself. And it doesn’t have to mean giving undeserving people second chances. The year 2017 has taught me that I haven’t quite figured this out yet and that’s okay.

Here’s to 2018 and the inevitable lessons that lie ahead. Until next year, here are some of 2017's most-read posts:

• What Nobody Told Me About Being a Rape Victim
• A Dirty Martini And A Meltdown
• Promise Me
• NYC: Six Month Review
• NYC: One Year Review
• I Know

The Best Thing About the Worst Thing You've Ever Done

Recently, I did a really, really, REALLY stupid thing. I ignored my gut. I refused to listen to sage advice. And I only listened to those who were telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. I told myself it would be fine. I'd be fine. It would even be fun. I went against something so intrinsic to my character that it literally gave me anxiety every time I thought about it. Which was a lot. I did something stupid. And then it came back to bite me in the ass. I don't want to contradict Miss Swift, but I did something bad and, you guys, it did not feel good.

I'm not going to get into details but for all my family members out there, don't worry, I didn't break the law. This time.

Let me be clear. This isn't the first time I've done something dumb. I mean, I literally moved to New York City on a whim. That one didn't turn out so bad though. Honestly, I'm surprised I graduated college and have maintained a stable career. Anyways - the point is, I've done a lot of really dumb shit in my 28 years. I'm sure I haven't even seen the worst of it yet. But every time I've f***ed up, I've cried it out and walked it off. 

I know a lot of people try to make their lives seem perfect on social media. But that's a curated life full of carefully planned moments. That's not real. A real life is messy. It's getting your heart broken. Living paycheck to paycheck. It's getting fired. It's losing your shit on your kid and it's using boxed hair dye. Being an adult is hard. These stupid decisions we make are a part of learning and growing up. 

The best thing about the worst thing you've ever done is that you learned from it. And hopefully you never do it again. Try new things. Make mistakes. Fall on your ass. But get back up again. Try a different path. Just keep trying. It's when you stop trying that you start failing. 

Someone should seriously make a post card out of that because that was some Gandhi shit.