Summer Forever!

I refuse to believe that this summer is coming to a close and I don't even have a tan to show for it. I don't know what the hell happened, or what I've been doing - but I feel like I got duped. Summer seemed to last forever when I was little. Now I feel like I never even had a break. That's because I didn't. Having responsibilities sucks. I'd much rather spend all day running around the neighborhood barefoot living off of nothing but popsicles. Who knew we had it so good back then?

Instead of embracing the inevitable change of seasons, I sat outside in the frigid 78 degree weather and ate a frozen Greek yogurt bowl. Here's my coping mechanism for some stuff everything: DENY DENY DENY! Works some of the time. 

On the topic of things I'm pretending aren't happening: school started this week for me. I was living in a fool's paradise there for a while. Apparently they've really churched up online classes so that they're on the same par as your typical "holy f*** I have an 8am lecture and I'm still drunk" class. I thought this was going to be a breeze. When I looked up all four of my class syllabuses (syllabi? no), I immediately sat in a corner and started rocking myself back and forth. This is gonna be a doozy.

All of you fools breaking out your fall decor can shove your pumpkin spice lattes where the sun don't shine! I'm a summer girl and you'll never win me over!

Home

Apologies for the radio silence! I've been running around the country (okay, just Michigan and DC) like a maniac this past week. This is the first chance I've had to actually sit down and write. Or even take a breath really. I'm so desperate for groceries, last night I had to eat nachos made of stale chips and string cheese. It was either that or applesauce for dinner.

I haven't been back to my home state since 2013, so this trip has been slightly overdue. I had a travel voucher that was about to expire (because basically anytime I fly, I bitch to the customer service reps to get free shit) so I decided to book a somewhat last-minute trip to Michigan for a long weekend.

Did you guys know you can randomly be assigned TSA PreCheck? I always thought it was something those rude and rushed businessmen applied for because they're much more important than everyone else. But this lucky girl got to keep her shoes on at the security screening! Also, I guess having PreCheck on your boarding pass means you can slip through security with a full 32oz water bottle and not get tackled and tazed (tased? whatever). Whoops. Shout out to Homeland Security's finest!

After I got something healthy to eat McDonald's, I didn't even have to look for my departing gate - I just followed all the people wearing camo. Not kidding. After a very turbulent flight (guys, thanks for not telling me about the tornado sirens), I arrived!

I grew up in Michigan. For 22 years it was really the only home I've ever known. So it was weird to be back and only vaguely remember road names and where they led to. I had to remind myself that the endless miles of green grass and trees is normal. I didn't realize how much I missed that. This was also my first time not staying in the home I grew up in (thanks for housing my broke ass, Sarah!). I've been living in DC for four years now and somewhere along the way, DC became my home. And that makes me sad. I have a very hard time leaving people and places behind, so Michigan will always have a very special place in my heart.

Basically I can sum up my entire trip with this: I ate a lot. 

When I first moved to DC, I hated it. I fought it for a year and a half, and now that I've stopped I've realized how great it is. Driving down the George Washington Parkway at night and seeing the monuments across the Potomac never ceases to take my breath away. It's not Michigan, but it's beautiful in it's own way.

Things change and we adapt to survive. We evolve. Things that you thought would always stay the same can change in an instant. It's jarring and it sucks and it's never easy. I guess the trick is to just let it happen. Let yourself evolve. Don't be afraid to let go of whatever you thought was a security - regardless of whether it's a person or a place. Go somewhere new. Be alone. Open your mind up to the idea that something different doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad. You're so much stronger than you think you are. All you need is you, so quit holding yourself back.

Tone It Up: Revisited

This is what would have been my last week of Tone It Up's 8 week bikini program. I'm just gonna lay it all out there and be honest - I lasted two weeks. During those two weeks I actually impressed myself with my self-control. But it seems that was short lived.

I need to face the music and come to terms with the fact that I'm probably never going to be a size zero again. I'm also never ever going to have the time to work out twice a day for the rest of my life, or meal prep for 4 hours every Sunday (unless my dreams of becoming a stay-at-home mom wife are realized). I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just saying it's not going to work for me.

I've realized that being healthy is truly a lifestyle choice and the key to this lifestyle is balance. I can't afford the time or money it takes to look like Karena and Katrina. I have way too much going on in my life to add "washboard abs" to the list. It's just not going to happen right now. And that hasn't been easy to accept. Mostly because I have a very bad habit of comparing myself to others. The truth is, I don't want to go to a baseball game and say no to a beer and hot dog. I also don't want to come home from work at 9:30 at night and go for a run. I want to stop feeling guilty. So I'm going to incorporate balance into my healthy lifestyle.

*I just did a google search for "inspirational shit"

So here's my new plan. I'm going to eat better (like limiting the amount of raw cookie dough I eat while binging on HGTV's Fixer Upper) and work out at least 3x a week. That's it. That's my plan. And it's going to be enough.

I know the majority of you don't care about my eating and exercise habits - that wasn't really the purpose of this post. I just want you to know that you are good enough. I know that's not always the way you feel. To be honest, I feel inferior most days (unless I'm three drinks deep at happy hour, then I feel like I am better than everyone, everywhere).

Life isn't perfect - it was never meant to be. We all have our own shit going on that maybe no one else knows about. Stop comparing yourself to those around you. Sometimes, a good day just means you got out of bed and made it through the day without crying. That's okay. Count those days as a win. Every time you try - regardless of whether it's in life or in a 45 minute Insanity workout - you are winning.

Now go out there and be the bad ass I know you are - whether you're dominating your Chipotle burrito bowl or dominating a lunchtime run.

Raise Your Hand if You're Dating Me. If Not, Raise Your Standards

I want to start by apologizing to any of my Tinder beaus who found my blog and are now reading this post. Also, kudos on your creepiness from a fellow creeper.

If you're a single gal living in a metropolitan area, you can relate when I say that dating blows. It's totally different than "back home," wherever that may be. In the DC area, it all starts with "what do you do?" and ends with you ghosting on him after you made him pay for your $30 entree at Circa. #sorrynotsorry

Dating as an adult is not fun and it's not easy. It's a chore. I can think of about a bazillion (that's a number, right?) things I'd rather be doing than making forced, awkward conversation with a complete stranger that looks completely different (and substantially less attractive) than their pics on Tinder.

Yeah, let's talk about dating apps for a minute. I kid you not, the amount of messages I have received on OkCupid and Tinder have probably reached the 1k mark at this point. Out of those, about 99.9% are so effing creepy. I once had a complete stranger offer to fly himself out to DC so that I could take his virginity. That's weird enough without mentioning the fact that these apps match you to people based on your location. He was from Michigan. Thanks but no thanks dude.

Anyways.

So dating is hard. But I'm honestly not worried about it.  No matter how many times my brother-in-law calls me a crazy cat lady. Do you know how amazing it is that I can come home at the end of a 12 hour day, walk in the door, take off my pants, and pour myself a glass of wine? If you don't know, then you're doing it wrong. Listen guys, I'm totally fine with not sharing a bathroom with someone who leaves his beard clippings in the sink, pees in the shower, or clips his toenails in the living room. My ex did that and worse. Seriously, boys are gross.

the losers that lost me*

To all the single ladies, I salute you. It's a fucking battlefield out there and I wish you the best! What are your most awkward date stories? Anyone have a frog who turned into a prince? No? Yeah, me either.


*None of these guys are losers...only in the sense that they aren't dating me. 

Nerd Alert

I've been toying with the idea of going back to school for about a year and a half now. For those of you who don't know, I have a B.S. in Creative Writing. I realized early on second semester of my senior year that job options were limited. I'm a writer (hence the blog) so I always knew that that's what I wanted to do. But nobody really told me that my chances of getting on the NYT Best Seller list and turning this into a profession are about as good as me actually finishing a novel (spoiler alert: I have yet to finish a novel). I kind of blame my parents and a slew of teachers (Mrs. Snode, Mr. Gragg, Mrs. Palace) for stroking my ego all those years and telling me how great of a writer I am (*brushes hair off shoulder*).

This is how I found myself in the legal business development/marketing profession - out of sheer randomness. I actually love what I do. It can be really fast-paced and our clients are always interesting. But three years later, I'm getting kind of bored. Fear not employer, I'm not leaving you. I'm just trying to make myself more useful. So I'm going, going, back, back to Cali, Cali school, school.

I made 'dis. Just kidding, it's a filter.

I'm really intrigued by graphic design and web development. And I think I'll be good at it. I guess we'll find out though because I just enrolled myself in a program and wrote a big fat check. Alright, I charged my credit card (mom, if you're reading this...don't).

I'm mostly terrified. In addition to going to school full time (alright, it's 12 online credits, but still - it counts) I have a full time job, a part time job (thanks for the employee discount C&B!), and I'm also trying to get a business running (shameless self advertisement) while blogging about all of it here. What little social life I had is probably going out the window. Wish me luck.

What have you been dreaming about? Any other nerds out there who want to go back to school? And if you are juggling it all, do you have any tips for me?