I know, I've done it before. I've bitched about dating as an adult. And in an attempt to be a more positive person, I've prepared a quick "go-to guide" for you fellas to consult while constructing your online dating profile. Because sweet Jesus, I might be getting carpal tunnel from swiping left all day. I've outlined instances that constitute an immediate swipe left or swipe right based on my own experiences. Ladies, feel free to submit additions to either lists in the comments. Also: men, please stop using the opening line, "Hey." A head nod doesn't do it for me anymore because I'm not 15 years old.
- Pics of you vaping in a button down shirt buttoned all. the. way. down.
- Pics of you vaping
- Group pics and only group pics. Where the fuck is Waldo?
- Wardrobes consisting of Hollister, Abercrombie, American Eagle, etc.
- Claiming to be 32 but looking 52.
- Claiming to be 32 but looking 12.
- Bathroom pics. How embarrassing.
- "Entrepreneur" as your occupation. AKA, unemployed.
- Any affiliation with the RNC/GOP. #HillaryforPresident
- Daywalker. I'm half ginge, I can't take any chances.
- Your bio lists all of the places you traveled. "OMG, you climbed Machu Picchu? Tell me more."
- Pics of you shooting a gun
- Talking about working on The Hill
Automatic Swipe Right:
- Pics of your puppy
- Pics of you and your puppy
- Pics of your puppy sleeping
- Pics of your puppy with a baby
- Pics of your puppy sleeping with a baby *Oh my ovaries*
- Quoting Step Brothers
- Quoting Happy Gilmore
- Quoting Home Alone
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