Many of you have read the breaking news headlines on sexual assault claims involving celebrities these past few months. They don't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. As a society, this has forced us to have a lot of difficult conversations - with others and with ourselves.
What is sexual assault? Is it black and white or are there gray areas? What constitutes a sex crime and what constitutes "bad behavior?" Am I guilty of assault? Have I been assaulted? I'm so glad you asked. Hello everyone, welcome to Sexual Consent. My name’s Melissa and I’ll be your tour guide.
So you’ve got a date tonight? First time meeting? Been married for 30 years? Doesn’t matter. Here at Sexual Consent, everyone lives by the same standards.
You'll notice here that a lot of dates will include the consumption of alcohol. Remember, just because your date has had a drink with you, that does not mean they want to have sex with you. A drink is not currency to be used in exchange for sex.
If the date gets moved to a private venue, congratulations - you might be having sex tonight.
OR perhaps your date just wants to continue spending time with you and doesn't mind doing so in a more secluded setting. Sounds like they are interested in getting to know you. Very exciting stuff! Friendly reminder folks, someone can go home with you and not want to have sex with you.
The mood is right. The candles are lit. And Damien Rice is crooning on the Beats speaker your mom got you for Christmas. A makeout session reminiscent of prom night ensues.
So you want to get a little more serious? Folks, we've just reached our first major intersection in Sexual Consent. Before proceeding any further, please stop to look both ways. You can simply ask your date, "Is this okay? Are you comfortable?" The good news is that this isn't hard to do and it's not awkward. In fact, it's a romantic gesture which showcases your ability to be aware of your partner's thoughts and feelings and not just the blood rushing to your nether regions.
These questions should be repeated throughout the evening, specifically before any sexual act. This is a nice thing to do because you don't want to make your partner feel uncomfortable or that they don't have the opportunity to tell you that they don't want to take it any further. Yikes!
Suppose your date would like to take things slow. This could mean a variety of things. Slow could mean that they are only interested in kissing. Slow could mean they are only interested in heavy petting. Slow could mean they are only interested in oral sex. Slow could mean they are only interested in receiving oral sex. Slow could mean they are interested in sex just not right now. I know. The possibilities are endless. But that's because humans are complex creatures and are capable of having different and sometimes conflicting thoughts.
If your date has not given their consent - whether that be verbally or through non-verbal cues (pulling away, turning their head, trying to run out the door, etc.) - then this is the point in the evening where you stop making advances.
If your date has enthusiastically given their consent, buckle up friends, this is where the adult fun begins. Next stop, Pleasure Town. Unfortunately, I cannot be your tour guide for that destination because my mom reads my blog and she doesn't need to know the extent of my knowledge in this area.
