Hands down one of my biggest weaknesses is that I hate confrontation. I'm horrible at standing up for myself. I bury my head in the sand. I pretend that problems don't exist. Super healthy, I know. So what I'm about to tell you is a pretty big deal for me. Not kidding, currently listening to Sia's "Unstoppable" on repeat and feel like I could go run a marathon. Please don't make fun of me. Here we go...
Over the last several months I've had to deal with sexual harassment from someone with whom I have a professional relationship (for the record, he is not employed by my firm). I won't go into the specifics of the conversations and offhand remarks but I'll be clear about the fact that there was absolutely no ambiguity in their nature - they were inappropriate and offensive.
So today I came into work, wrote out a mini speech, and pulled my harasser aside to tell him in a clear, calm and professional manner that I was done. I wasn't putting up with it anymore. It was terrible and scary and after our conversation, I walked away slightly shaking. When I got back to my office I stared at my little speech, so proud that I had finally stood up to a man that was taking advantage of his power, his position, and our professional relationship.
Recently, Fox let go of two individuals who were accused of sexual harassment in the workplace. Something I heard across multiple channels was, "why didn't these victims say anything?" I can't speak for everyone but I know that when I've had to deal with sexual harassment in the workplace (it's happened twice before), I've felt vulnerable, ashamed, and even concerned about what implications speaking up could have on my harasser. It won't make sense to everyone and I'm not really concerned with the ones who don't get it. I'm concerned about the ones who've experienced it, who are experiencing it, and those who don't know what to do next.
After reading through my speech a few more times I realized that a lot of women don't even know what words to say to their harasser. My advice? Craft your message without regard for his feelings. Because he didn't take yours into account when he touched you inappropriately or continued to ask you out even though you had said 'no' on multiple other occasions. He didn't concern himself with the fact that you might be uncomfortable. Or embarrassed. Or upset. So why should you care?
Below is what I used to confront my harasser. If you're experiencing sexual harassment, please feel free to use some or all of it. Use it as inspiration. Copy and paste it, if you'd like. Just please say something. I know it isn't easy. But I promise you'll feel better once you do.
"I wanted to address the inappropriate remarks you've been making towards me since we've started working together. I'm not sure what kind of working environment you're used to operating in but I can assure you that the comments you've made over the last several months will no longer be tolerated by me.
What you're doing is sexual harassment and I don't care if your intention is to be funny or playful. Your comments are offensive and more than that, they are demeaning. I do not exist in this world for your amusement. I am a professional and I expect to be treated as such.
Going forward, I would like to continue our working relationship without these remarks. Please do not comment on my appearance, my dating preferences or inquire about spending time alone with me outside of the office. Are we clear?"
