Last week I was waiting at the bus stop when I reached behind me to smooth out my dress. The blood basically drained out of my face as I felt my dress way higher than it's supposed to be. Like above my ass. Luckily, I was wearing both a black dress and super thick black tights so I'm really hoping nobody saw my goodies. Probably wishful thinking. So I sat down on a bench to wait where I would be safe from any further embarrassing scenarios.
Wrongo.
This old man next to me (who bless his soul, probably has dementia) says to me, "Excuse me," which I first pretended to not hear. He tries again so I acknowledge him. Then he throws at me "You have a big hook nose." Uhm...WHAT?! Thanks for pointing out my most hated feature dude! Wanna throw me some cash for a nose job? So instead I reply, "I sure do." Smile, Look away. Try to look busy. He's not done though. "I have one too but, *looks at me remorsefully* yours is worse."
Eff me, right? I swear this shit only happens to me.
My most embarrassing moment though - senior year of college. One day I wore thigh highs (without garters) to my internship and by the end of the day, they had gotten so loose that they were falling down my legs as I was walking down the hall. I tried to get to the bathroom by walking with my thighs clenched together to prevent them from falling any further. No use. They were goners. So I stopped and leaned against the wall trying to look like I was making a casual phone call to my best friend. I was looking for advice and moral support and all she was doing was laughing so hard she was crying. I couldn't bend down and lift up my skirt to pull them up without someone seeing me. I couldn't walk to a private place because they would be around my ankles by the time I got there. I was stuck. And mortified. My best friend stayed on the phone with me until the halls had cleared and I could pull them up without being seen. And laughed the entire time.
That was five years ago and I still blush thinking about it. This is my life though. Just going from one embarrassing moment to the next. Somebody, anybody - tell me something worse.
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