Tone It Up

Two weeks ago I started on a fitness journey that has proven to be pretty eye opening. I started Tone It Up's Bikini Series Nutrition and Workout Plan. Spend two minutes on their website and you'll want to do anything it takes to look like the trainers, Karena and Katrina. I'm currently in the 130s and would be dreaming love if I could get down to 115 lbs. I have just two problems. I love food and I hate working out. No big deal, right?

Wrong. This is hard work. Like really hard. Like math class hard. It's a mental battle just as much a physical one. I kid you not, someone brought in doughnuts to work the other day and for 7.5 painstaking hours, I had to tell myself over and over and over and over and over that I did not need that doughnut and that I did not want that doughnut. But I did want it! I wanted it so bad! I would have offered up my unborn child for that doughnut. I made it through those 7.5 hours and then went home to egg whites and my second workout of the day.

Flash forward to day 18 of my Tone It Up journey. It was a shitty day at work on top of a shitty week at work and some asshole brought in homemade chocolate chip cookies the size of my face. I lasted all goddamn day and then at 3pm I caved and ate it. It was so good. It was moist and chocolatey and everything I could have ever asked for. Almost immediately I felt this overwhelming guilt. And by the time I got home I was starving and told myself "Eff it!" I've already cheated, might as well go out with a bang! So I made a huge plate of Step Brother's nachos and went to town. Then I topped that off with a couple pieces of bread and butter and a handful of cocoa nibs. On top of all of that, I didn't do my PM workout and I didn't wake up for my AM workout. I was a TRAIN WRECK. And then I took a step back and was SHOCKED.

How could food have this much power over me? Seriously, I was willing to sell my soul to the devil for a doughnut. And then one cookie sent me into a binge eating session. What the hell? I mean I know I love food but I didn't know I had an emotional relationship with food! This sounds like some Jerry Springer shit.

I've recovered from my binge and I'm currently munching on some cashews with visions of Sweet Green's Guacamole Greens Salad dancing in my head. I say all of that to say this: this "fitness journey" I'm on is going to do more than just help me lose weight (hopefully). It's going to test my will power. It's going to sever my emotional relationship with food - to which I say "good riddance!" I don't want to be controlled by anything. I want to be the one in control of my life. I'm sure this won't be the last time I go nuts and eat everything I'm not supposed to, but at least it won't be uncharted territory at that point.

Follow my Tone It Up journey on my TIU instagram page!