This is 30

I literally tried to write this post like seventeen times and kept pressing delete because it made me want to vom. I was trying too hard to not get emotional and it just made me sound like I was bragging about my birthday. Which, don't get me wrong, was definitely braggable but that's not why I'm here. Anyways. Unless you've muted me on all social media platforms, you may have noticed I recently turned 30. I had a difficult time with the milestone so posting about it incessantly on Instagram is how I coped - like the millennial I am. Big moments scare me. They make me feel like I'm not in control. Kind of like a roller coaster ride where you can see the huge drop coming up ahead but there's nothing you can do because you're strapped in. Life is about to change and you can't stop it. 

So - no better place to have a mental breakdown than Sonoma, California. Just kidding, there wasn't a mental breakdown but a magnum champagne bottle machine gun was involved at one point. Sorry to disappoint - I know I said it was a brag worthy birthday weekend but I don't want to get into the details of the weekend here. It was just so special I don't want to share it with anyone else. 

Most of you have read about how 2018 was for me. "Happiness" seemed elusive. It was something I knew existed but didn't think I was capable of. To be where I am now...I just can't tell you how grateful I am. I fought very hard to get here. This was more than a milestone birthday for me. It felt like a homecoming. Or a finish line. 

These four days were probably the best of my life thus far. I know it sounds like an exaggeration but I can't tell you how incredible it felt to step into a new decade surrounded by the people I love most in this world (minus the few that couldn't make it!). I've never felt so loved. 

Sending all my love and gratitude to Annie, Caitie, Jimmy, Sassy Mac (Bobby), Chris, Lauren, Babe (Dan), Hope, Mom, Aunt Margie, Uncle Jim, and Betty and also to Amanda, Mike, Amanda, Justin, Bobby, and Diana who couldn't be there but I know were sending their love from afar. This sounds like an Oscars acceptance speech. But truly, thank you so much for waiting for me and for celebrating with me when I finally got here. 

This is 30. It's happiness.