MIA

It's been a while. Like way too long. Here's the thing...

I've talked about my battle with anxiety and depression before (if you want a recap, read about it here). I don't think it's something you can be magically cured from. For me anyways, I think this will be something I will struggle with for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not walking around in a cloud of depression and anxiety 24/7. In fact, for the last 4-5 years, I have been feeling like my "normal" self. But there are times when I start to spiral and it always catches me off guard. It's like I forgot how disabling it can be. And then I quickly remember. Eff. 

I manage my anxiety very well without medication (*brushes shoulder off*). At night, I take hot baths to calm myself down and reset my head. I work through it during the day - sometimes the adrenaline from an anxiety attack is like a shot of espresso and I find myself whooping ass and taking names. This is what my days are like on average. But sometimes during extremely stressful times (aka the last 4 weeks of my life), it has the complete opposite effect. It's debilitating. I can't think. I literally can't move. My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. And all of the sudden everything is wrong and I cannot see past the obstacle immediately in front of me.

Most of you won't understand this and I've learned to accept it. I can't tell you how many time I've received the sage advice, "just don't think about it." Oookkkaayyyy.... It doesn't work like that. It's not something I can shut off. Can you turn off your diabetes? Didn't think so. It's an illness that requires management, maintenance, and sometimes medication (didn't even plan that alliteration but you're welcome (I wanted so badly to throw in "meditation")).

Okay, I'm done harping. But I wanted to give an explanation for why I've been absent. To be honest, you're probably going to hear crickets from me for the next 4 weeks. But I'll be back. Promise :)

In the mean time, please watch this video as it will never not be funny.